One of the worst things for an INFJ is not knowing someone else who can really understand you. It can leave you feeling isolated, misunderstood and frustrated. If I remember correctly, it’s said that HSPs are 15-20% of the population, but the figure for INFJs is much lower at 1-2% and not all INFJs are HSPs.
I’m extremely lucky that my sister is also both of these as well. I imagine that’s not too common but I’m so grateful that I have someone close who gets me so well. I will be honest though, it’s not always a bed of roses and I’ll get to that shortly.
As far back as I can recall, we’ve felt more like what I’d imagine a bond between twins would have. We finish each other’s sentences, we can read each other’s micro-expressions and we understand each other on such a deep level. If one of us has something wrong physically, it’s not unusual for the other one to experience sympathy pains or milder symptoms. Now that IS weird to go through on a personal level.
Not only can we finish each other’s sentences, we can also do this thing where one can start a sentence and the other will acknowledge it before anything of substance comes out of the others mouth and answers it. This can sometimes go back and forth for a few minutes and leave anyone else in the conversation lost and utterly confused. We have to be mindful of when someone else is around as we don’t always notice straight away that we’re doing it, then one of us has to translate to the third person. We aren’t being rude, we just communicate in shorthand at times and tend to forget other people don’t.
Other INFJs and HSPs would be able to see how awesome that would be. I realise that might seem like a good thing to most people but INFJs/HSPs would appreciate it better. The desire to be understood is like the holy grail and to have it with someone you grew up with is like finding gold.
Friends, I need to tell you this. It’s not always smooth sailing. When it’s good it’s very good but when it’s bad it’s….a bit like the Titanic after hitting the iceberg.
Two words – INFJ rage.
Some of you might wonder what that is and if it’s a real thing. I’m here to tell you it is. I often chuckle when I see a meme which says something along the lines of “we don’t get mad, we get evil”.
To put it into the perspective of my sister and me, it is a little different than with anyone else. Once we see where we’re heading, I wish we could stop the snowball effect but it’s difficult to do because we are both usually at the same point and part of us is getting too ticked off. Looking at these times in hindsight, it seems to be our sensitivities as HSPs that often trips the wire, and then the INFJ side slips into its rage mode. Also, our rage with each other isn’t explosive at each other, it seethes under the surface and we both feel our own and each others. It’s a fucking nightmare, to be honest. It hurts, you have that anger inside you which hurts you, you feel the anger coming back at you and you feel their pain that you’ve inflicted.
And then there is the inevitable INFJ door slam. And it’s a fucking mutual one. OMFG someone smack our heads together and knock some sense into us. It’s not that easy though. For an INFJ to reach this point, it’s generally the end, go directly to jail, do not pass go, do not collect $200.
What happens then? This is when the HSP really suffers. There’s still anger to deal with, grief to feel, sadness etc. and then we realise we love each other and need each other and we mend the bridges and live happily ever after. Until the next time. Now, this doesn’t happen too often thankfully but it does from time to time. I believe the longest we have gone without talking was a year, it was one of the most horrible times in my life, though on the surface it would’ve appeared like this, “I’m fine!” And when we have our “moments”, we are still protective of each other. Odd I know, but good.
Having a close INFJ/HSP in your life is so wonderful but beware, it can have some excruciatingly painful moments. We do need to learn how to do this better but we are both a work in progress.