What’s one of the worst things we can experience? Being lied to. To our faces!!! That breach of trust cuts most of us deeply, it is such a horrible thing to feel that someone cannot for whatever reason be honest. Oh, I know we all lie at times but mostly they’re harmless enough – little white lies.
- “The dog ate my homework”
- “I had a dodgy curry last night so I can’t come into work”
- “No, I didn’t take the last cookie”
- “I can’t go out tonight, I’ve got a headache”
People mostly lie to protect themselves or others and most aren’t going to result in the end of the world as we know it.
Let’s move away from the “little” lies, what about the big ones? The ones that will really hurt another person when the lie is exposed? Trust is such an important thing in ALL relationships, without trust IMHO there is nothing! Nothing, I tell you! Nada! Zilch! Diddly!
These lies are manipulative, they rarely come from a good place in a person and they hurt people. Badly!
Luckily, HSPs (highly sensitive people) come equipped with their own lie detector. I have always been able to spot a lie (big or small) since I was a kid, I never knew how but I could. As I got older, I got even better at it – I had to, I kept meeting people who felt the need to sneak around and do all kinds of things I find questionable.
Once I realised how useful (and necessary) this skill was in my adult life, I honed it so I could take full advantage. I’ve always told people, “Be honest with me, I’m a reasonable person and you’ll find me non-judgemental as long as you tell the truth”. It cuts through so much bullshit to be able to tell the truth. For one thing, you don’t need to worry about your memory letting you down and you don’t need to play silly mind games. Fuck, life is just too bloody short! Get a grip and tell the damn truth. Most of us don’t care, we just want to be respected.
I used to watch the TV show “Lie To Me” a few years back and it resonated with me, “Hey, I do that too!” I realised that when I get to know a person, it takes me no time to read someone’s baseline body language, how they speak, the microexpressions, patterns of behaviour etc. I also suss out someone’s typing, or writing style (if they use a pen and paper), I will detect the tiniest change in their wording, grammar or sentence structure. It’s about patterns and HSPs are experts at seeing the subtlest of changes.
So how do I handle a liar? I don’t like confrontation. Instead, I give them as much rope as they need and let them hang themselves and I will let them know that I’ve known all along. Then there is an INFJ door slam and they are gone from my life.
Seriously, there’s no need to lie to me, I’m an understanding, non-judgemental and forgiving soul but I won’t tolerate being taken for a fool. Just ask the string of liars I’ve left burning in my wake.
The truth is good, it will set you free, it will create a wonderful, trusting relationship (of whatever type). It’s one of the magical formulas in life.
Just don’t lie to me, unless it’s in fun, or a little white lie (I’ll still know you’re fibbing, but I’ll let you off).
This post was brought to you by the letter T and the number 2